Parenting and life phases
My children are 16 and 17. Soon they will be adults. While parenting never ends, it is much different than it was when they were young.
One of the most significant changes you experience when you have kids is that your time goes from being yours by default to claimed. If you want to do something that isn't childcare, you need to plan for that. For the past few years, my time has been mine again. Of course I still spend lots of time with the kids, but they don't need me to be around. They stay home or go places on their own. This is as big of a change as when they were born, but it sneaks up on you. There is no due date or big event. One day, you realize you can go out for dinner without booking a sitter.
Recently, several people have told me about their upcoming weddings, and that they're excited to start families. This hits me differently now. Even though I feel about the same, and don't think of myself as "old", I am 47, and the goal of a family was accomplished long ago. Each phase of this experience has been amazing in its own way, some more challenging than others, all full of growth. The phases will continue, even into the kids' adulthood, but the anticipation something new and just beginning has passed.
This is a strange feeling, as I clearly remember what it was like to be in these people's shoes. These memories make me even happier for them, as I empathize with their excitement, their anticipation. It's strange because it doesn't seem like that long ago I was in their place, and yet here I am. So it goes with life: each phase seems unending as you're experiencing it, and then it's over. This isn't a sad feeling, just a disorienting one, as if time moves in ways that aren't quite compatible with consciousness.
I appreciate my current phase in many ways. The freedom, autonomy, and balance that have returned are lovely. Parenting teenagers is a cool thing, supporting them through very different experiences than in the past, and being there as they develop into adults. While I miss the previous phases, I don't long for them to return. I feel satisfied that I've been there and done that, grateful for the experiences and that they're complete.